No specific title for this blog...

Maaaan !! The other night I dreamt that I had a baby boy!!  It was sooooo weird! But I liked the dream so much cos I can remember so much about it and how my baby boy looked! He had a lot of black hair on his head, he was really big and chubby. He was so cute and he was mine. Few seconds after I gave birth to him I asked if I can take him and I think it was my mom who gave him to me. Tears start coming on my cheeks and with a big smile and my baby boy. When I smiled at him he gave this BIG cute smile back and oww.. this was just a wonderful dream! I love it. I can't wait to have a baby in the future!

I was going to write a lot more.. but I'm sooo tired so I have to do it later.. 

I think I'll fall a sleep with a smile on my face

This day didn't start that well.. even though it was pretty cool having thunder and lighting here.. even though it's really scary. It reminds me so much of the other part of me.. (the Caribbean-part)

Well I didn't go to school. So I stayed at home, listening to music, singing, doing my nails and just doing relaxing stuff to try to think about something good.
There came a part when I had to go somewhere that i didn't want to go and I had to take the bus.. and the bus was so late so I missed the other bus and it was all yes.. I just felt like crying !! That time.. I hated the bus! But ofc I love it! it helps me go around when I don't have a car!

I've been talking to my cousin on Facebook and we are having this.. frænkukvöld !! :-D finally (girls-cousin-evening-meeting) and my family isn't that close here so we decided to have one to get to know each other better and have fun!
I also talked to my auntie and my cousin !! He is the cutest! and that kinda made my day! I wish I could be where they are! I want to see them!

Sooner or later it will happen.. just have to wait !!

GOOD NIGHT :D

He came to me! I sat up! He asked me how I felt! I said I don't know! He said that he DIDN'T hate me! I cried! He hugged me! I hugged him back!

I love my brother !! <3 and both of them! <3 <3 <3

Feel like crying ? - YEEES !!

Sometimes I wish I could just have my own apartment, just little apartment.. or like a bedroom where nobody is and have lot's of couches and blankets and ofc tissues !

Don't like feeling like a stone.. It's like there is this big stone in my chest and the stone is spreading other stones in all of the parts in my body. I would call few of these stones : worry-stone, pain-stone, cry-stone, silent-stone and lot's more!
These stones make me feel sick! But somewhere behind these stones is a little heart that beats. I know it's really powerful, but this stone is taking over this little heart.
From the heart there are coming thousands of veins and they are supposed to bring me blood. I want my blood to be in colors.. Green- strength, pink - kindness, red - loveliness, yellow - happieness and so on.

But it seems like my brain isn't connected as it's supposed to be with my heart, it's like my brain is just focusing on these awful stones that a ruining my life.

Sooo...

LORD GIVE ME MORE STRENGTH AND ALL THESE THINGS I NEED TO BE AS HAPPY AS I CAN BE, AND THINK ABOUT THE THINGS I AM SUPPOSED TO THINK OF AND NOT WAISTING MY TIME TAKING CARE OF SOMETHING THAT I CAN'T TAKE CARE OF. SHOW ME HOW I CAN BE MORE LIKE YOU WANT ME TO BE. SHOW ME HOW I CAN FIX THINGS THAT I AM SUPPOSED TO FIX. SHOW ME HOW TO BE MORE KINDER PERSON. SHOW ME HOW TO BE LIKE YOUR SON JESUS CHRIST!

AMEN!

STUPID ME

What was I thinking.. ofc my mom know best.. why can't I just listen! I'm so so so stupid ! I have to know that everything that I want isn't the best but it seems like that can't get in to my head. I'm so angry!

What happend...

Well.. me and my mom had planned to relax my hair today (straighten it.. with cream stuff) and we weren't sure if it would work.. but it worked after all this work and I was really happy. After my mom had dried my hair she said.. "wow, you have so much split ends" and I know I have but I have so much that if I'm gonna take them all I have to cut so much and I want that.. but my mom doesn't want to. Well I asked my mom if she could just cut like little bit of the ends ( like she did when I was younger) and she said yes.. but ofc I asked for more.. "could you take kinda much, it's okay if you will ruin it!" she wasn't sure about that.. Well she began and gave me all the hair that she had cut. I so that she decided to cut more than little bit like I asked her.. but.. ofc she isn't a hairdresser so she doesn't really know how to do it..
To end this really quick.. than my hair is short (not short short though.. but SHORTER) and not straight ! I knew it would happen.. but it was thrown too much in my face ( not on purpose though!!)

Welllll.. I have to learn to listen more ;-(

I'm soooooo lazy !

... that lazy that I can't be bothered to think.. even though I know I want to write something.

well.. I always take 20 min break when I write or something like that.. I just really don't have any energy toooo... !! Hope I will have tomorrow!

Kaitlyn Maher - 6yo - Compassion Music Video - You Were Meant to Be