Selfrespect!

First of all Happy New Year.

I have been thinking a lot lately. Really much.

I think I know what kind of person I want to be. I say think since ofcourse I have maybe no idea since God has a plan for me.
I want to be able to do his plan. I want to do it right. I want to be a really positive and kind person. I don't know how many times I've tried but it doesn't seem to work very well.

I think I have to do few thing before I try again maybe.

And .. put it all in His hands! <3

What am I waiting for?

Hahaha! Man.. I'm waiting for you.
Man, I like you - I mean I love you.

I never thought I would find someone like you. I thought I was just yes. I don't know! Just hurry up.. and don't you worry!

dæs!

I'm sick of people bailing on me! It is making me crazy! I hate it I hate it I hate it!! I don't know how many times I've cried because of people bailing! Now I want to bail on people. I don't want to do what I planned with some people. It's for me. I wanna bail! I don't want to do it AT ALL! 

I really think that I should just had stayed where I was and not go home. It makes me cry.. more! Why did I do it. It was stupid. Plus.. there was no one who thought about me getting all the way back.. it makes me sick too. I'm so scared. ! What am I going to do. live in an airport! 

I thought this was a good idea.. but i guess I was wrong. I have no chose now. I'm already here and already stuck and don't know how to go back. I wish I could go back in time when I was just little.. nothing of this.. 

I just found a pictures of me since I was little.. I dont even remember seeing it. Not sure if I have. Man, I looked so cute and little. Kinda just like an angel.. But now.. I feel ugly and disgusting.. ! I wish I could go back in time! To that point! I don't even remember it. I just looked cute and looked like I could be really loved. - well I know I'm loved but. yes..

Living the dream

I remember when it was just a dream.. dream that I thought wouldn't come true. Now I'm living the dream. And to be honest.. it has been a little bit of a nightmare too.

I get really scared. And I want my mom and my friends back home. But I know I can make it because I am not alone. I have my father, God! I love him. I can always talk to him and he understands. But sometimes I dont really understand him and sometimes I think that is not fair at all. But I know that one day I will understand. It will just take some time.

I miss my friends so much and my mom and my brothers much more! I wish I could be with them now. I wish I could be doing something AMAZING that I wouldn't forget. Now.. I'm just in my room.. (in the dorm) doing.. Nothing! and that's what i usually do.

Just sitting there.

Today I went down to the sea though. I took 2 books with me. I liked it. It was really nice. But I was really scared. I think I'm going to go there everyday just to try and get some alone time and talk to Jesus. I want that to be my place where I meet him and want to talk to him for a long time.

MOVING

I'm going to London today! It's 05:32 am and I've been awake all night packing and being sad because of all the goodbyes I've made and the once that are not done yet.
Boy! I have so much clothes, even though I never find anything. At least more than 40 kg :P I'll be taking 2 suitcases out with me but still have to leave some clothes behind and my mom will end it too me but since I'm going to London then I need more space.. I know that I'll be taking some stuff from there to take to Norway and I'm flying alone from London and my English is not that good so I can say something when my suitcases would be waaaaaay more heavy then they are supposed to be.. I think I'll just put up my puppy eyes.
I'm so nervous and excited everything. And I think the water in my body will soon be finished after all the good bye crying!

Next time I blog will be in England or Norway. I'm not sure. But more than likely Norway

HADE!

It's all coming !

This weekend there was this "camp" thing at my church.. or no, it wasn't at my church it was somewhere out of town in a place called Hlíðardalskóli. 

It was a different camp then normal. It was interesting but I like the normal one a lot better. But the it was fun though. There was just something really bothering me all weekend and still is. That's the school in Norway that I've been so excited for since .. kinda long ago! 

I talked to my friend who was at this school a year ago or so and was asking her a lot of questions .. it helped and i was a bit more scared. All weekend I just felt like crying but I couldn't. I tried to go in to my room and jus let it out, didn't work so well.. I just wanted it to come it was like a heavy burden in my eye! 

And ohh.. There was this girl that came to the camp and she is in the school in Norway. 

My friend told her that I'll be going there and from that point we talked a lot. I decided to like just talk to her there since I'll be seeing her around every day. She told me a lot about the school and was just really kind. She also told me that she can help me with the language and stuff and I really felt better like having someone like her. Especially in the beginning when I'll probably get homesick. I like her. And when I think about it than it is not as scary going when you know there is someone there for you and of course it will be hard moving to another country and learning a new language, but yes. I'm really thankful for that girl.

Stupid girls!

Not cute enough?
People don't love me as much as others?
Not skinny enough?
Too big nose?
Too weird?
Freaky hair?


Girls can be so mean to each other. - Or everybody can be mean to each other..

When I was younger I saw that I was different. I was half black. There was a time that I wanted to change it. I didn't want to be half black when almost everybody else where white. Sometimes I felt like I was standing out. When I started school my hair was so frizzy. My mom had to go to work so early that she couldn't do my hair so my dad sometimes had to do it and yes he know how to but it was just harder with my hair. As soon as I went to school and got to play my hair was standing in the air. I hate seeing pictures of me like that. I hate my first school picture!
Then I always saw the other girls with something nice in their hair or just straight out. I couldn't have mine straight out.

Few years later some girls started bullying me. I wanted to change school so badly. They were so mean. And I didn't know why they were doing it. And when I changed schools then I  heard that they just want me out of the school.. so yes.. I don't really know why. Some of these girls are my brothers friends, I find it really weird especially when they come to my house.

Now I'm almost 16 and I have a lot a lot a lot of friends that I love. Of course we don't always agree with everything and we argue but we don't call each other bad names, well I don't and I don't think my friends do either. But some "friends" aren't really your friends. Sometimes they are your friend when you need something or yes. I don't like that.

Which reminds me.. my facebook is a mess.. I should probably "clean it" up :-)