What am I waiting for?

Hahaha! Man.. I'm waiting for you.
Man, I like you - I mean I love you.

I never thought I would find someone like you. I thought I was just yes. I don't know! Just hurry up.. and don't you worry!

dæs!

I'm sick of people bailing on me! It is making me crazy! I hate it I hate it I hate it!! I don't know how many times I've cried because of people bailing! Now I want to bail on people. I don't want to do what I planned with some people. It's for me. I wanna bail! I don't want to do it AT ALL! 

I really think that I should just had stayed where I was and not go home. It makes me cry.. more! Why did I do it. It was stupid. Plus.. there was no one who thought about me getting all the way back.. it makes me sick too. I'm so scared. ! What am I going to do. live in an airport! 

I thought this was a good idea.. but i guess I was wrong. I have no chose now. I'm already here and already stuck and don't know how to go back. I wish I could go back in time when I was just little.. nothing of this.. 

I just found a pictures of me since I was little.. I dont even remember seeing it. Not sure if I have. Man, I looked so cute and little. Kinda just like an angel.. But now.. I feel ugly and disgusting.. ! I wish I could go back in time! To that point! I don't even remember it. I just looked cute and looked like I could be really loved. - well I know I'm loved but. yes..

Living the dream

I remember when it was just a dream.. dream that I thought wouldn't come true. Now I'm living the dream. And to be honest.. it has been a little bit of a nightmare too.

I get really scared. And I want my mom and my friends back home. But I know I can make it because I am not alone. I have my father, God! I love him. I can always talk to him and he understands. But sometimes I dont really understand him and sometimes I think that is not fair at all. But I know that one day I will understand. It will just take some time.

I miss my friends so much and my mom and my brothers much more! I wish I could be with them now. I wish I could be doing something AMAZING that I wouldn't forget. Now.. I'm just in my room.. (in the dorm) doing.. Nothing! and that's what i usually do.

Just sitting there.

Today I went down to the sea though. I took 2 books with me. I liked it. It was really nice. But I was really scared. I think I'm going to go there everyday just to try and get some alone time and talk to Jesus. I want that to be my place where I meet him and want to talk to him for a long time.

MOVING

I'm going to London today! It's 05:32 am and I've been awake all night packing and being sad because of all the goodbyes I've made and the once that are not done yet.
Boy! I have so much clothes, even though I never find anything. At least more than 40 kg :P I'll be taking 2 suitcases out with me but still have to leave some clothes behind and my mom will end it too me but since I'm going to London then I need more space.. I know that I'll be taking some stuff from there to take to Norway and I'm flying alone from London and my English is not that good so I can say something when my suitcases would be waaaaaay more heavy then they are supposed to be.. I think I'll just put up my puppy eyes.
I'm so nervous and excited everything. And I think the water in my body will soon be finished after all the good bye crying!

Next time I blog will be in England or Norway. I'm not sure. But more than likely Norway

HADE!

It's all coming !

This weekend there was this "camp" thing at my church.. or no, it wasn't at my church it was somewhere out of town in a place called Hlíðardalskóli. 

It was a different camp then normal. It was interesting but I like the normal one a lot better. But the it was fun though. There was just something really bothering me all weekend and still is. That's the school in Norway that I've been so excited for since .. kinda long ago! 

I talked to my friend who was at this school a year ago or so and was asking her a lot of questions .. it helped and i was a bit more scared. All weekend I just felt like crying but I couldn't. I tried to go in to my room and jus let it out, didn't work so well.. I just wanted it to come it was like a heavy burden in my eye! 

And ohh.. There was this girl that came to the camp and she is in the school in Norway. 

My friend told her that I'll be going there and from that point we talked a lot. I decided to like just talk to her there since I'll be seeing her around every day. She told me a lot about the school and was just really kind. She also told me that she can help me with the language and stuff and I really felt better like having someone like her. Especially in the beginning when I'll probably get homesick. I like her. And when I think about it than it is not as scary going when you know there is someone there for you and of course it will be hard moving to another country and learning a new language, but yes. I'm really thankful for that girl.

Stupid girls!

Not cute enough?
People don't love me as much as others?
Not skinny enough?
Too big nose?
Too weird?
Freaky hair?


Girls can be so mean to each other. - Or everybody can be mean to each other..

When I was younger I saw that I was different. I was half black. There was a time that I wanted to change it. I didn't want to be half black when almost everybody else where white. Sometimes I felt like I was standing out. When I started school my hair was so frizzy. My mom had to go to work so early that she couldn't do my hair so my dad sometimes had to do it and yes he know how to but it was just harder with my hair. As soon as I went to school and got to play my hair was standing in the air. I hate seeing pictures of me like that. I hate my first school picture!
Then I always saw the other girls with something nice in their hair or just straight out. I couldn't have mine straight out.

Few years later some girls started bullying me. I wanted to change school so badly. They were so mean. And I didn't know why they were doing it. And when I changed schools then I  heard that they just want me out of the school.. so yes.. I don't really know why. Some of these girls are my brothers friends, I find it really weird especially when they come to my house.

Now I'm almost 16 and I have a lot a lot a lot of friends that I love. Of course we don't always agree with everything and we argue but we don't call each other bad names, well I don't and I don't think my friends do either. But some "friends" aren't really your friends. Sometimes they are your friend when you need something or yes. I don't like that.

Which reminds me.. my facebook is a mess.. I should probably "clean it" up :-)

Busy busy busy

I'm doing so much, I want to hang out with my friends before I go to Norway and I've been doing that and gone out of town. And working. I'm always so tired and out of energy! This is kinda my last week at work though, except I have to go again one day next week and then it's over. I've also been going around finding stuff for Norway. We have to buy some stuff and me and mom have been going around and trying to find what I want that I can afford.
I feel really weird leaving. Yesterday I cried when I was hugging my mother because she wont be with me in Norway and I can't hug her like I do always. It will be hard and leaving all these people here.
But this is so exciting, doing something totally different. It will be interesting.

I was about to blog about something that would not be fun but I decided not too. This little energy that I have right now.. i'm not going to waste it on something not fun.
But yea it's almost 2 am.. maybe I should just go to bed .. Now. Just going to finish what I'm doing and then take a good sleep and wake up late and try to go over my clothes and maybe back something tomorrow cos I better begin because I'll do it at the last minute if I don't begin now when I have a little time, since I'm not working tomorrow.

Penfriend

Yesterday I found out on facebook that one of my penfriends was about to come to Iceland. We hadn't been writing each other for a while so yes I had no idea that she was coming. We decided to meet up, see send me her number and I called her. It was really weird. Btw, she's from Norway. So today after work I went to the guesthouse where she's staying and we met up and took a walk down town. It was kinda embarrassing cos like we had never seen each other before and then like suddenly tadaaa !! there we were together talking English like we were tourists down town... well she was but no me. But I bet I was the one who look more like tourist ! haha

I really enjoyed seeing her and we are going to try to meet up again before she goes and do something other then walking and being shy to each other. Go to the movies or swimming or what ever.

And oohh.. she doesn't live that far away the school that I would be going to in Norway so wohooo ! I could meet up with her there and get to know her much better in person, not in emails. Now I'm so excited for everything.

What am I listening too?

This picture answers what I'm not listening to.
I just really can't say no to things and often I end up doing so bad things and regret them so much afterwards. Even though I know I will regret it I still sometimes do it. It's like I can't stop my self when I'm the only one who can!

Sometimes I wish I was just locked in somewhere, I wouldn't be in the way for people, wouldn't do anything that I will regret afterwards.. I could just be.. locked in.

I'm kinda looking forward going to Norway if I go, I just have too. I really want just to start a new life and this may sound really weird.. Go away from my friends.. I want to see if people will miss me at all. I know I will miss many people like crazy, and I even think so of these people don't really know I much I will and how much I love them! But well.. :-S

All these payments!

I'm only 15 and I have to pay so much! I'm not talking about paying to go to the movies or that stuff. I'm talking about paying to talk to my friends. Ok. this sounds really weird, but sometimes I have to. I can't really explain it. But it makes me cry - and loose a lot of money.
Okay I don't have to pay, but if I don't I can't sometimes do the thing I want to, and sometimes it is like serious and than I like have to pay.
I wish I could explain this, cos I'm that mad that I wan to let it out and cry and scream. It's too much. Plus it's my money, I'm the one who's working for it.
Just every time I say no to someone I feel bad afterwards ... and just sometimes end up doing what the person asked. And sometimes people use their puppy eyes face.. Sorry I just can't say no to that!

Some people just have to check their brain! and ohh.. !!

This picture is just perfect right now!

But, yes.. I think this is unfair and there is a quote that I read the other day that said : "When you think life is not fair, take a look at the cross."
So I'm going to and this with : Thank you Jesus!

Future plans

I'll start with Norway.

So Tyrifjord videregående skole has accepted me for next semester. That's next month! If I go than I have to be there the 14th of August. That's soooo soon.
We are still sorting the money part of it and if we will sort that all out than.. GOOD BYE!! So yes. I would be there for 3 years. And I can't really tell what will happen in those 3 years.. maybe I will get a boyfriend and decide to stay in Norway, maybe just graduate come home and yes I don't know.. but I know what I want to do. If I will have a boyfriend I guess he will just have to do it with me. That would be even better .. if I have a boyfriend who could be with me. But i don't need one then but if it happens it happens.

Okay after I graduate I want to work really hard for a year. I want to try to get as much money as I can. For the next part I want to do in my life.

The world is so cruel! I want to help these people. I want to make sure that they are loved and there is hope. I want to work with them. Help them to get education, food, clean water, clothes, shelter and be healthy and for those who have to go to the doctor for help, I want to pay for every one of them. But, there are so so so many out there who are starving. There is no way i could do it myself but I know for at least few of these hearts, it makes a big difference.
I was watching some episode on TV, there were 5 women that have a boyfriend or something that play in the British soccer team and they are going to South Africa and helping some kids there. It really hard for them. I was kinda holding my tears, it was so saad. But these children.. they smile! and all of them have been through something. I wanted to fly straight to these kids!! They were many!! but it was just in this place.. there are so many places in the world with millions of starving children..- people-

Okay... So this is my plan. I want to help them. I'm going to stop feeling sorry for myself sometimes. I have it so good compared to them.

I don't know what wrong with me.
Well i know that I'm sick now.. but other than that.
I have like 4 or 5 blog that I haven't posted yet nor finished. I always give up. Even though I'm really excited about the blog. There is something wrong with me.. I don't even know how to explain this feeling. It really weird.

Sometimes I wish people could just read my mind!

...

• I started crying while walking too the bus station.
• I felt like I didn't matter
• I wondered why
• I wanted to scream
• Why did I hide?
• Why not telling what I really think?
• I shouldn't be crying - it was my fault
• Stupid me
• God loves me 
• I prayed
• I kept on crying
• The bus came
• I had to hide it
• It was hard
• It was almost coming
• I was going to be strong
• Went out
• Cried again
• Went into the next bus
• Sat down and felt lonely 
• Heard girls talking behind me
• I wanted to join them
• Came out of the bus
• Cried again
• Came into the house
• Smiled and was hiding everything
• Didn't really tell the truth
• It was probably a lie
• I knew the answer
• I was just afraid to say it.

I was even wearing a dress.. How could this happen. 

Change my mind.. this is going to be it.

My day

It rained. I went with my mom and we cleaned my church. We were singing while we cleaned up. I liked it. I asked her if we should sing in church tomorrow and first she didn't really want to but then she said ok. But than I thought about it more.. and didn't want anymore.. I would be too shy.
But, I'll do it sooner or later.
After we cleaned our church we went to the mall, Kringlan and we were just going to find some cheap cell phone for me because mine doesn't really work, and I think I just found the perfect one. And I saw that my mom wanted to so I decided to buy her one. She didn't want me too.. but I'm more stubborn , AND I'M PROUD!
Then I had to go too work, I didn't know when the bus would come.. but when I was about to get too the bus stop.. I saw it pass by.. but than I though.. hmm.. then the other should be coming.. "close" by.
I ran and ran, I could feel the Jamaican part in me! I actually thought about that, "I'm sooo Jamaican!"

I was like a tiger! No joke, I didn't run that fast.. well.. I was kinda all sweaty afterwards soo.. haha.. I wish few of my kilos would have gone after that! But I almost didn't get that bus!
I went to work, really happy that I had a new phone and really happy that I had my mother Mp3 because that 's .. better.. haha.
First I thought I sucked at what I was doing... I thought that everyone thought that I was just really slow and didn't know how to do anything.
But, I think it wasn't that bad though. And when I could listen to the Mp3 I did and everything seemed to be faster. Almost when I was done with work I saw my mom standing like somewhere there.. I was really surprised (it's her old work..she was one of the bosses or something) I smiled! I asked her what she was doing.. cos someone was fixing our car so we didn't have it but she got it because they will start on it next week. So I was really happy because after I had been running to catch the bus.. my shoes were sooo wet! I hate wet shoes!
Then we sang on our way home and talked and laughed. We went in the sofa and were just being lazy than I asked her if we shouldn't just go and buy some ice cream.. she laughed at me and then said "yes". I called one of my brothers (the other was at the movies) and asked him if he wanted some too. We all went in the car and I bought icecream and then we drove down town and around and were just talking and having fun in the car.

Now it's just beautiful music and chillin' with the family. (well..I'm writing this and on facebook.. ) But we are going to have worship soon.
And I also talked to my new sister on fb'chatt and read her blogg. She's like... ohh.. yess !! SHE IS AN ANGEL!! I love her.

I should go to sleep now, or like.. maybe 3 hours ago! Haha.. I'm stjórna with my friend in church tomorrow!!
I'm so nervous, but if I just remember who I am doing it for, I bet I'll do good.

I'm not embarrassed about it, just hate when people judge!

"And he gave some, apostles; and some, prophets; and some, evangelists; and some, pastors and teachers;" 
                                                                                                                          Ephesians 4:11


Ok. I know that all the gifts that we get from the Holy Spirit isn't written in this verse. But I think it is not a gift from The Holy Spirit to judge.


I'm kinda angry because of people judging. I don't like judging.
Especially when I'm trying to do something really positive and  trying to do the right thing.
I'm not really going deeply into the thing that I'm talking about but yes. Some people have been judging me because of something, and I hate it, I really do. But I don't hate the people that are doing it. I still love them, even though they are hurting me like.. a lot!


God knows what I'm thinking..  He always understand me. 
He is the ONLY ONE that can judge me.. so all you people BACK OF! It's God's job! NOT YOURS!


Thank you!

I can feel the summer .. and my allergy!

I love summer !! -  I love sun !!  - I love my friends !! - I love my dress !! - I love being on my toes !!

I woke up and saw this huge yellow thing in the sky. It was the sun shining.

I wanted to go swimming.. but I didn't. But I wanted to go outside and do something. Of course I didn't but I decided to go after work. So I thought about going to the Icelandic beach. Maybe alone.. I never do that. But I thought.. that would be really interesting so I packed a blanket, some books and a photo camera.
Then I wanted to wear a dress. and I just got a new dress so I wore that.. :D Then I went to the bus station with a smile on my face in my dress and sunglasses on my .. head.
Tralala la la laa la la.

Then I worked and couldn't wait to be done. But it was okay though.

After work.. I called my friends .. haha.. just to see if they wanted to come with me.. and they just asked me first if I wanted to talk a walk on the beach.. PREFECT ! Hahaha.
I think I'm going to my garden tomorrow if it's this nice weather tomorrow to and lay on a blanket and just read. :-) With some.. juice and hopefully cookies. And in a dress with sunglasses.

and then come inside before I go to work sneezing and it-zing and all of that because of my allergy !! Just like I  am now.

I'm going to stop now and keep talking to some handsome guy ;-)

Over and Out

The teardrop is about to come..

I'm trying not to let it go. But I want to let it go just not here. I want to go somewhere where I am alone. I feel stupid, I feel sick, I feel.. like crying .. and cry all night.

I don't really feel like writing..
I need a big sister.. That's it.. Then I can be in her arms crying and crying and crying.. and she would understand me... and love me.

Can't wait till Jesus comes.

Birds, worms, friend, the mall, hot chocolate with caramel taste ..

So I was waiting at the bus stop today and watching 2 birds that were behind me.. (well I turned so they weren't any longer behind me) and they were always putting their hand down. Or at least one of them. I was looking more at one of them than the other. First I just though.. is he just eating dirt? because there is no way that there are so many worms like just in the grass there. I kept watching.. and noticed that the bird wasn't eating dirt.. he was eating worms!
Then I started wondering how in the world this little bird with this tiny eyes can see these worms in the grass!! I can't see them with as big eyes as I have.. not that they are like really big.. but bigger than the birds. And I bet some birds don't see very well but there is no bird who has glasses.. (or I haven't seen a bird with glasses.. ) It's so weird how so little creatures can be like so big.. haha. don't really how to say this better than this. But I think it's really cool! But I feel sorry for the worms though..



Neeeexxt



Friends are one of the best thing you can have.

I met my friend today. I love that friend. She's so nice.
We walked together, talked and drank hot chocolate with caramel !! (it's really good) She's like the best best friend ever! <3
She doesn't judge you even though you are really stupid and do stupid things. She still loves you for who you are. I'm really happy for that since I'm not close to being perfect.
I don't know what I would stop being friend with this person are something would happen to her! I know I would cry like my eyes out!
She's my model. and if you don't know her.. you should! I'm so thankful for her.

I could end this with some boring sad thing.. but I think I'm just going to end this like this and with a big smile :

I think I like this guy..

So I "met" this guy a month ago or so and I was really shy. So I didn't say much. I heard that he was funny and that's it. I didn't really think of him after that.. or like not like think of him think of him.
Almost a week ago he added me on facebook. The next day I decided to just say Hi to him and said hi back and did -> :O face.. So after that.. we were just joking around and like talking like we had known each other. I started to think he was really fun guy. Then he asked me when he could meet up with me.. !!! That was yes. Haha nevermind. Enough from that. But we decided to meet somewhere in the evening. But then we both were bored the day so we decided to go for a walk and talk. But sadly.. he had been sick so he didn't feel like going for a walk. :-( But I met him in the evening. He is a fun guy!

And boy, I would die if he would find out this blog! x''D

What an awful way to end your grunnskóli !

I'm so thankful that the body is 71% water.. other wise I would be dry inside and dead.  I cried a lot yesterday. It felt good until.. I couldn't stop. It was hard to breath. I was angry. I was confused.

I want people to love me for me - and it seems like that's really hard.

You know everyone on this planet are different, have different personalities and so on. Some have the same one but still different. Well, it seems like mine is not good enough for some people and those people think there is just something wrong with me because of that. Oh, no.. it is sooooo not hard to hear that. :'(  This is just how I am and many people just think it's a positive thing.. but not everyone.

Adults .. we should respect them! Yup.  But some people don't act like they are!   I don't like people who say bad words, it really hurts hearing it. Especially if they are yelling at me and using it. That makes me cry.

It's my graduation on .. Friday. I'm really looking forward to graduate but not really my graduation.  

So yes.. This is what happend yesterday... in a .. hmm.. "not deeply getting into it" saying.

                                                                                          P.s. Feel free to give me a hug ! <3 I will like it :-)

Is it what I wand to do or is it what GOD wants me to do?

I'm always learning something new!

It's really hard for me to breath. I'm so..  I don't even know.. just every mood together.. but most of all confused!
So there is this guy from Hungry but he lives in England who came and was preaching in my church today and was having the youth group thing this evening. It was amazing. He told us his life story! Boy, it was amazing ! Please ask me how it was when you meet me again. AMAZING AMAZING AMAZING STORY!
I really like that guy who came and have been here a few times.

Also after today I going to happy with what the future brings me and just let God lead me on. Maybe I want something but God has another plan. If it's a big plan that I want.. but God doesn't, well.. I'll cry for a bit and I'm just going to think.. "If this doesn't work.. God probably has much better plan!"
For example.. Next school year.. I know what I want .. but still trying to see what God want's me to do and where to go. I know that He knows much better than I do. So.. from now on...  I'm not the leader. God is :-)

P.S. I'm sooo excited to see what I will do in the future !!! <3

Dentist !!

Oh, how I loved going to the dentist when I was younger!! And guess why?!?!? I didn't have any holes in my teeth!

Last week my brothers and I went to the dentist. It was a "new" one. But we didn't go to the same one. It was in a different place than usual too. We could like talk to each other me and my brothers (when they were not working on our teeth) and we could hear what that dentist were saying. So, we all had holes, because of the same thing, TANNÞRÁÐUR !! (whatever that is in english) Ohh.. how I hate it, it hurts to use it and my teeth are so close together so it's really hard to get it between with out some screaming and blood.. and pain! But I think it's more pain when the dentist fix these teeth with the holes.
So, tomorrow.. I'm going to the dentist!! Noooooooooooooooooo.. now I can't stop thinking about it.. I'm so scared of the needle! Even though dentist can be nice .. sometimes I think of them like ...

Not fun at all.
Why is there a space between our teeth? to get food stuck between and get holes? I think I'm going to put something between mine so there can't go anything between :-)

I'm going to end this blog with this cute picture :

To much at the same time..

I'm thinking that I am something that I'm not. And when I actually stop being stubborn and admit to my self that I can't to everything than I kinda look like that girl up there!

Ok so.. I'm trying to read this book, and this other book and this other book. And than I'm trying to read all these notes for my exams.
All of this is really important. So it's quit hard. I wish I was one of these people who can just remember stuff that the teachers say!! And I wish ..  I don't remember what I also wish.. my brother came in and was here for a while soo.. I forgot.

My brain is out now. Can't remember anything.. and how am I supposed to do well in my exams when I have already forgotten what I was going to say?!?

But since there is only one computer working in my house for the moment and it's not mine than I have tons of time.. but yes.. not really.
I love not being able to have computer.. than I sometimes do stuff that I can't bother to do when I have FACEBOOK.. Well.. I've written 2 poems now. I'm so happy that I did that !!
Now I'm trying to do to much at the same time.. maaaaaaaaaaan !

End of the world 21.05.2011?

My mom told me yesterday or the day before that after talking to her sister on the phone that many people are selling their stuff and get baptized in Jamaica. So all the pastors were just busy baptizing people.

First of all..

• Why are they selling their stuff before the end? Is that going to help something? If it's the end they can't really do anything with the money they get from selling their stuff. So does that make any sense selling their things before the end?

Second..

• Laughing Out Loud.. I can't remember what I was going to say next.

Well ohh.. I feel so sorry for those people. What do they do know when they see that they are still on the earth.. ?!?

And the people who got baptized.. will they now start to attend church? I really am curious what they are doing now..

Well the end of the world didn't come .. but .. ANOTHER VOLCANO erupted in Iceland !! Don't want any ash here. I don't really like it. 

But will see what happens and how it will go.

Missing people? YES !!

Iceland 

Jamaica

America

Norway

England

Finland 

Ireland

Denmark

Bulgaria

Sweden 

I'm missing people from all over the world. This is crazy. 

Well there is one place that I hope that I will go someday and I wouldn't miss anyone because everybody would be with me in the same place. 

                          New Jerusalem - HEAVEN! 

It will be so nice to be there and that's my goal to go there. I can't wait. No more pain, sorrow or anything negative. How amazing is that? 

When I really think about Heaven and how amazing it will be I just have to smile. It's too good to not smile. 

I remember when I was younger and my mom told me that in Heaven we don't get hurt or anything. And after that I dreamt I was in Heaven and was running (valhoppa) and it was the greenest gras ever and there was a little lake in front of me. I fell right in front of the lake and was about to cry because I hurt my knee but then I remembered that my mom had told me that there is no pain in Heaven so I just stood up and kept going. 

I can still remember this dream and like how it was and how it looked like. I love it.